While many children are resilient when families dissolve children are at twice the risk for social and emotional problems. So many times we hear couples ask if they should continue to stay and work things out in their marriage. “Many people seem to believe that once a marriage has gone, ‘bad’, it is like bruised fruit that cannot be restored, but instead needs to be thrown out and new fruit bought.” (Successful Marriages and Families) Don’t make the presumption that just because you may be currently unhappy that the marriage cannot be saved. When couples are patient unhappy marriages often improve significantly over time.
From the first family Heavenly Father instructed them to cleave unto each other. In Genesis 2:18 the Lord says, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” Genesis 2:24 says, “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” We are taught that mankind is supposed to be married that they are supposed to become as one and have a family. The family Proclamation says, “THE FAMILY is ordained of God. Marriage between man and woman is essential to His eternal plan.”
Many factors should be considered before leaving a marriage. Seek counsel, try to resolve problems before seeking divorce. “More than 75 percent of individual in Waite and Gallaher’s study who gave the lowest rating on marital satisfaction scale but persisted reported a few years that later they were happy or very happy… long-lasting marital unhappiness is uncommon; unhappy marriage often improve significantly over time for those who are patient and keep trying to work things out.” (Successful Marriages and Families) So hang in there and try to find a way to make things work.
I knew of a couple that was struggling in their marriage but only one spouse knew it. Couples can not fix what is not shared. Remember you are not alone in your marriage and your spouse may be feeling some of the same things you are. Be sure to talk to your spouse, sit down and focus on the problem not the individual. Counsel with one another, be there for each other. Instead of thinking divorce start thinking of how your marriage can improve.
Three books that are recommended are The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, The Divorce Remedy, and Covenant Hearts. (Successful Marriages and Families) One I personally recommend is Drawing Heaven into your Marriage. My husband and I have put into place the Seven Principles and you don’t realize sometimes how you self-sabotage a marriage.
I cannot say that my husband and I have reached the point of frustration that we were ready to divorce but we have had our ups and downs. I was given a challenge in one of my course to turn my thoughts around. Instead of only focusing on the negative of my spouse look for all the positive things he was doing. It was amazing to see how thoughtful and insightful my husband actual was. He noticed I was busy with homework he would try to help get the kids ready for bed, do the dishes, iron clothes, ask me if I needed anything and the list continued to grow.
Please don’t consider divorce. Try reading this books, try applying the steps, go through the process, remember that most couples are only unhappy a short time. “Pray can be invaluable in this process.” (Successful Marriages and Families) You will be surprised at you be prompted to do or say. You will find that when you have made positive changes your marriage will too.
When we stop thinking of marriage as something that is rotting or going bad we can focus on what good fruit our marriage is bringing forth. Take the challenge to notice all the good things that are going on in your marriage and if you can’t find one thing, then self-reflect and see why you have blinders on. “God will support those efforts to help couples preserve a union.” (Successful Marriages and Families) Every marriage is worth saving and I believe everyone can work it out with the right tools. I know if you have a desire to have a strong marriage you will.
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